Revelation

The past couple of days have posed a different type of struggle. When you have children and are forced to be a single parent due to divorce, death, adoption, never married, or your married one begins to ponder....Will my children ever get it?

It seems the more i do for my children the more they take me for granted. I hate to punish them by not allowin them to participate in certain events or hobbies but if they can't appreciate what they have why give them more?

I look at Christmas I didn't spend much money because being a single parent I have a budget. However, they did recieve some of the things they wanted but not any extravagance. It hurt to see my sister buy her children tons of things but I did the best I could. They have barely played with the toys they have gotten & have stretched the arms out of a lot of the new clothes and tore some of the sweaters. I get so upset because literally I have worn the same things for several years but yet they have more than enough. I work so hard to MAKE IT!! I work full-time, attend school full-time, single parent full-time, attend church faithfully, but I am often unappreciated by my children, my family, my job, my friends, and even by myself.

Often the pressures of life have forced me into putting myself last only to remain last. Taking away from me the ability to enjoy life to the fullest. I have tried to be good enough to be loved, good enough to fit in, and good enough to be appreciated. I give so much but receive so little in return. Sometimes I wonder is it worth it? Is it really going to make a difference?

I attended church service today and I received the answer, "Don't Quit...& Don't Cave In" by Pastor Vanable H. Moody!! I wanted to scream so loud because I was pondering How can I make it financially; when is my WEALTH coming so I may help myself & others, when is my HUSBAND coming; because I desire to be loved (even though I am a single parent I am still a woman with a need to be loved), will my children RISE up and call me BLESSED (will they be moral, ethical, sexually pure until marriage, christians truly on fire for GOD seeking his purpose); will it really happen.....It's ordained in HEAVEN already!! I just have to wait on it!!